A list of insults and threats lobbied at Tom Scharpling by various characters during 2008 and some from early 2009. See the 2009 to 2011 insult list here. Now with sources!
(2/19/08) Marky Ramone:
-I’m going to play 8th notes on your head.
-I’m going to wrap you in these custom made leather jackets and then im going to do a bunch of rolls on you with the sticks.
-Ba ba ba-ba ba you’re gonna get murdered.
(3/11/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-If you ever say that again I’m going to smash you in the face. With my bat.
-You can’t judge me I judge you! You sound like you’re 700 pounds and wearing gym shorts. Actually I shouldn’t talk I’m wearing gym shirts too.
-You’re in for a rude awakening when I use that bat on your head.
-What do you say to people who say that, you in particular, alternate between an insufferable bore and an insipid loud mouth bully?
(3/18/2008) Marky Ramone:
-I’m gonna kill your face.
-You San Fran-dummy.
(4/22/08) Philly Boy Roy:
(5/20/08) Paul from volleyball:
-He’s the guy that looks like a cross between Chim Chim from Speed Racer, the bassist from the Atlanta Rhythm Section and the Elephant Man, had he really let himself go to seed.
(6/24/08) Horse from jock squad:
-I’m going to smash you like I did your computer.
(6/24/08) Little Mike:
-You stupid dumb ape.
(7/1/08) Darren P. from Consolidated Cardboard:
-Jimmy page you Led-dummy.
(7/22/08) BJ Bryson:
(8/5/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-Read a history book much? Don’t sound like you do.
(8/19/08) Marky Ramone:
-Crack a comic book much? Don’t sound like you do.
(8/19/08) Zachary Brimstead:
-Sounds great blob.
(8/19/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-Crack a bible much?
(8/19/08) Bishop Fontana:
I was asking him not you, fat head.
(8/19/08) What would your first act as mayor? -Tom
Barging you. -Hammerhead
You be barged and or murdered. -Bishop Fontana
My biggest concern would be how to keep you dead. We can’t bury you cause you could get out. -Thor
Probably your murder. -Zachary Brimstead speaking for Philly Boy Roy
Probably your murder. Death by hoagie. –Philly Boy Roy
Your death. -Bob
Probably killing you would be the number one thing I would want to do. Tired of hearing your voice. -Marky Ramone
He is just running his finger across his throat again. -Tom describing Halverson’s answer
Getting your office space, the corner office and then killing you. -Paul from Consolidated
I guess your death and stuff. -Pudge Palfner
(9/9/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-Crack a newspaper much? It don’t sound like you do.
-Crack a talk show much? It don’t sound like you do.
-Crack the encyclopedia Britannia much? It sounds like you don’t.
-Crack a radio station much? Don’t sound like you do.
(9/23/08) Rod Langstrom:
-Crack a triple album much? Doesn’t sound like you do.
-You’re nuts. You don’t know what you’re talking about
-Crack an old time TV show much. It doesn’t sound like you do.
(9/30/08) Marky Ramone:
-Crack a classic book much? It dont sound like you do.
(10/7/08) Todd Palin:
-Crack an issue of Gent lately. It doesn’t sound like you do.
-Crack a hot dog competition much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-Show munch some respect you munch.
-The United States vault you Ameri-dummy.
-Uh crack a horror sequel much?
-Crack a yet to be released awful album much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
(10/14/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-Crack a blotter much. It don’t sound like you do.
-Crack a flight plan much? It don’t sound like you do you aero-dummy.
(10/21/08) Joe the Plumber:
-Crack a million selling debuting album much? Doesn’t sound like you do.
-Watch the news lately? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-We are all adults here except for you. I guess you are a child with that voice modulator.
-Look jerks! Listen. You guys keep giving me attitude. I’m going to hit you right in the face with that one umm that one tool I have. It has that weird like a pinwheel kinda thing that when you screw it, it opens up and you get around the pipe. Smash you in the face with that.
(11/11/08) Joe the Plumber:
-I can hear that quiver in your voice. I can’t imagine what it would sound like if you weren’t using that voice modulator. I can hear you clicking it.
-Uh crack the Newbridge Republican Herald Times Republican Herald much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-What are you eight?
-Crack an Oscar nominated feature much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-Uh crack a mildly ska influenced early 80s Rush album much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-Crack a mid 70’s comeback album by an aging blues pioneer featuring a way to long and plodding song that would 20 years later be used in a Miller beer commercial much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-I’m big Bill you idiot.
-This is big Bill. I’m the one who’s going to kick your bottom.
-And I’m going to whip you.
-Seems like that voice modulator fried your ear drums.
-You little creep. I’m going to beat you.
(12/23/08) Philly Boy Roy:
-Crack a computer much? It don’t seem like you do.
-Crack a French dictionary much? It don’t seem like you do.
-What a duché you are? Like Confederacy of duché.
(1/6/09) Yul Brynner via the Cardiff giant via Kevin Juniper:
-You know why they make fun of you? Because you are bald.
(1/6/09) Kevin Juniper:
-You are going to die in 2009 from glue poisoning. The glue that holds your toupée on to your head.
(1/13/09) Irate hot dog vendor Barry:
-Crack a double album much? It doesn’t sound like you do.
-I’m going to turn you into the worlds largest and dumbest hot dog.
-I’m going to incase you in something. Paul’s skin. (Tompkins)
-You ruined my life you gross ape.
-You ruined my life you gross ape that stinks.